Successful athletes, businesses and entertainers in the world all have coaches. They have coaches to train them to improve, refine their skills and get better. Successful people didn’t get there by natural talent or connections. They achieved greatness through continual learning, hard work and commitment.
You might be thinking your child has a sports coach, music teacher or school teacher. This is great and it will help them in specific areas, however, to take it one level further your child also needs a life coach. Someone to teach them how to get the most from life, how to handle emotions or common sense as a few examples.
You are your child’s coach today probably without even realising it. They watch, study and absorb how you behave, react and handle life and learn from you.
Since you are already your child’s coach make sure you are intentional and take the time to train your child. Set up a dedicated weekly (or even twice weekly) session where you take them through something you want them to learn. This could be as simple as how to wash hands properly with soap to how to remove yourself from a negative situation. What you train is up to you and what you believe your child needs.
In our house every Sunday during our family meeting, there is a section called training (I will be covering the family meetings in another blog soon). My kids now love the training section. They look forward to learning something new and sometimes even suggest training topics. My husband and I make it fun and interactive by acting out the situation and then asking them to have a turn.
Deciding which training session is different every week, sometimes it is something we observed the kids can improve on during the week, other times it is the child’s suggestion or something we read. The key is to ensure you have a clear plan on what you want to present
For behaviour training, we start by acting out the incorrect (“wrong”) way with exaggeration. We ask for feedback and what can be done. Then we go back and act out improved ways. We then ask the kids (if they want) to act too. They love getting involved being over the top and silly when doing it incorrectly and then we ask them to re-do for the proper way.
Tell me and I forget. Teach me and I remember. involve me and I learn
Benjamin Franklin
If they do not want to act out the scene, that is ok. Initially, for the first few trainings my son just wanted to be the observer and not participate, however over time, he became open to the idea and now loves participating. As long as they are watching and soaking in what you are teaching that is enough.
We cover a range of topics that are as simple as:
- How to sit at a dinner table
- How to say a meaningful thank you
- Morning routine
- Saying Hello
- How to cut vegetables
To how to deal with challenging situations such as:
- Being assertive when you don’t want to do something.
- How to respond when someone snatches something from you.
- Withdrawing from Conflict.
- How to Request for Something vs Demand for it.
To even House Rules:
- What happens if you leave your toys laying around
- How to politely go get someone
I have found that I have gotten more out of these trainings as I have to think through and research on what are the correct techniques to handle situations. As a child I was not trained or taught by my parents, I learnt through trial and error or by picking up habits from others (sometimes ones that are not so great).
What suggestions do you have that would be a great topic to train kids on?
Frequently Asked Questions
What happens if I train my child and then I realised there was a better way?
Firstly, that is alright. We are all learning. The key is to retrain the kids and explain to them why it changed/improved from the previous time. I had this happen to me. I trained the kids to say ‘stop I don’t like it’, if they didn’t like what someone else was doing to them. I then found my daughter would do this however not remove herself from the situation. This caused frustrations for her if the other person didn’t stop and her constantly repeating the phrase ‘stop I don’t like it’ (which became annoying for me). After watching this play out multiple times I realised I missed an important part of the training which was for her to walk away.
At our next family session, I was honest and explained that we need to improve on the training we did last time as I have learnt that I missed some key points (this alone was a great lesson for the kids, that it is ok to make mistakes and try again). I then re-did the training including the additional items.
What do I do if my child doesn’t want to do training?
I don’t recommend forcing the child to do training if they do not want to. To keep the routine going do random training such as how to do a push-up. There have been Sundays when the kids were not in the right state of mind so we chose not to go ahead with the training.
The key to training is to make sure it is completed when your kids would be in the best possible mood. We find mornings, after breakfast special time (special time to be covered in another blog) when they are bright and fresh.
What happens after training if my child still does it in an incorrect way?
That is ok and expected. When we learn something it takes us time and practice to remember to implement what we learned. If you see them doing what you trained the incorrect way, ask them to re-do the situation the proper way. For example, if you taught them not to yell out and then they do, remind them of the training and ask them to re-do the situation the proper way.
Another key point of the training is also to let your kids know that if they see you doing what you learnt the incorrect way they have full permission to call you out too. This will help them feel a sense of Power and knowledge that you are all learning as a family.
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