Sitting in a warm lodge at Mount Hotham after an incredible day of skiing, four of us girls were laughing, chatting, and riding the high of fresh snow, snow cones, and joy. I was 13. Carol* was 14, and two other girls were aged 11 and 10. It was one of those unforgettable days you treasure.

Our conversation shifted to beauty, and that’s when everything changed…

“Ann-Marie, you won’t be beautiful when you grow up. You’ll be ugly.”
Carol looked at me with certainty. “I have an eye for these things,” she said. “I can just tell.”

That comment stayed with me for years.

💔 A Seed of Shame

In that moment, the joy drained out of me. I didn’t think I was ugly. I didn’t look like the girls in Girlfriend magazine—but I took pride in being neat, clean, and well-groomed. I was confused. Why would someone say something so cruel?

I believed her comment. In that moment, I felt completely alone—unsure of what to do or who I could turn to. A wave of shame washed over me, and I remember thinking I had let my parents down. I feared that if they knew I was going to be a “ugly” daughter in the future, they might not want me anymore.

And even if I had told them, I knew what they would have said: “She doesn’t know what she’s talking about.”

They had brushed things off like that before—times when I’d tried to speak up about things that hurt me.

But this moment was different. A new belief was planted deep inside me—one that I carried for many years like a heavy weight:

“I’m not good enough.”

💡 What I Wish I’d Been Given

#1 The Tools to Reflect it Away

I wish I’d understood back then that when someone says something hurtful, it often says more about them than it does about you. Maybe I had outperformed Carol that day on the slopes, and maybe, in her own discomfort, she felt the need to dim my light.

But I took it personally—because I didn’t know any better.

I had been taught to listen to what people said and believe it, especially if they spoke with confidence. I hadn’t yet learned how to filter, question, or reflect those words away from myself. So instead, I carried the burden—and believed it must be true.

#2 Someone to Listen and Understand

Not someone to fix it—just someone to listen.
To tell me it was okay to feel hurt. That I wasn’t alone. That I was still enough.

For years, I thought I was the only one who felt not good enough. I was told to keep those feelings to myself, not to share them in case others judged me or it became gossip.

So I hid my pain in silence and shame.

What I really needed was someone safe—a friend, mentor or coach—to say,
“You’re not alone. Your feelings are valid. There’s nothing wrong with you.”

Sometimes, just being heard is all it takes to begin healing.

#3 A Healthier Environment

I didn’t need to be around her. We weren’t even school friends—just kids whose parents were friends. I wish someone had noticed the sadness and helped me find people who made me feel safe, seen, and celebrated.

🙌 What I Know Now

As Brene Brown says,

“Shame is the intensely painful feeling of believing that we are flawed and therefore unworthy of love and belonging.”

I’ve done the work. I’ve spoken to coaches, mentors, and friends. I’ve cried. I’ve reflected. I’ve healed. I’ve grown.

And now?

I know it was never about me.
I wasn’t broken. I just needed the tools, the support, and the space to grow.

🧡 What I Do Differently Now

Even now, I can still get triggered when someone says something hurtful—but the difference is, I heal much quicker. Instead of sitting in the pain, I reach out. I talk to a friend, coach, or mentor. I’ve learned that healing isn’t a one-time thing—it’s a journey. Just when I’ve worked through one layer, another one often rises to the surface.

The biggest shift for me now is how I show up as a parent.
I’m committed to making sure my kids don’t go through what I did—feeling alone, confused, or ashamed.

I listen. I look for the signs.

When my daughter was feeling unsure about her place in gymnastics—wondering if training so much made her different from her school friends—I connected her with an Olympian who had been through it herself. That conversation helped her feel seen and understood. She realised her feelings were valid, and most importantly, that she wasn’t alone. From that moment, her confidence began to grow.

I’m not a perfect parent, but I’m always trying, learning, and growing.

We all need someone who gets it.

💬 Have You Been There Too?

If this story resonated with you—if you’ve ever carried the weight of not feeling good enough—I want you to know you’re not alone.

✨ I’d love to hear from you.
Leave a comment below and share your story, your thoughts, or even just a word that captures how you felt reading this. Your voice might be exactly what someone else needs to hear.

And if you’re ready to take the next step…

🌱 Book a free 30-minute strategy call with me.
We’ll talk about where you are, where you want to go, and how I can support you on your journey to confidence, healing, and self-worth.

👉 Click here to book your free call now. Let’s take that first step together.

You are not broken. You are worthy. And you are not alone.

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*Names have been changed in this story.