Have you ever shared how you feel about a situation at work, only to be told you need to be “flexible”—even though the real issue wasn’t your rigidity but someone else’s lack of follow-through?
This is something I’ve encountered repeatedly with my manager. I’ve had to constantly follow up on requests, only to receive delayed responses, excuses, and deflections. Let me share two specific examples that highlight this pattern.
Scenario 1: The Never-Ending Follow-Up
My manager was working on a major project, and I needed a short 2–3 sentence summary. To make things easier, I drafted something based on my understanding and available materials. Her response? “I’ll send you another version, as this isn’t quite right.”
Fair enough. I followed up three business days later—she said it was on her list. Nine business days later, I checked in again. The response came the next day—10 business days after my original request.
Meanwhile, I made the same request for four other projects and received responses on the same day.
Scenario 2: The Delayed Feedback Loop
I was asked to prepare a slide for an important meeting. I submitted it on time and requested feedback after the meeting, as I needed it before my own meeting the next day. No response.
I followed up via Teams—still no response. The next business day, she finally acknowledged it but said, “I have some feedback, but I think it’s best we discuss it over a call.”
At this point, I explained why I preferred written feedback—it helps me reflect, prepare better, and ensures we’re aligned. I followed up six business days later, asking if she could provide the feedback before Monday morning. Message ignored.
I finally received feedback eight business days after submitting the slide.
The Conversation That Didn’t Go Well
Frustrated, I expressed my concerns. I explained that constantly chasing responses made me feel undervalued and that a lack of timely feedback was affecting my work.
Her response? Defensive. She turned it back on me, saying we’re all busy, that I needed to be more “fluid and flexible,” and that she follows up with me when necessary (which, ironically, she hadn’t even done—she had missed the email entirely).
I pointed out that she was deflecting and not taking ownership (probably not the best career move on my part). But I knew I had done all I could, and I also knew that fulfilling both of these requests would have taken her no more than 10–15 minutes total.
What I Learned (That She Probably Didn’t Intend to Teach Me)
Reflecting on this experience, what confused me most was how the responsibility was placed on me. I understand that everyone is busy, but when the default expectation becomes constant follow-ups instead of simply delivering on commitments, there’s a deeper problem.
I can’t change my manager. And I also know my time in this role is limited as I plan my exit. But I can learn from this and apply these lessons to my own life.
So, I asked myself: Am I unintentionally doing this to others?
#1 My Investments & Strategy
I realised that while I’m diligent at work, I had been slow in responding to people managing my investments and long-term projects. Not because I didn’t care, but because I needed time to reflect. The problem? I hadn’t communicated my timeline.
I corrected this by reaching out and setting clear expectations.
#2 My Kids & Their Requests
This was a big one. My kids ask me 50 things a day, and sometimes, I’d say, “I’ll get back to you”—but never did. Over time, they lost trust in my responses, so they started bombarding me with even more requests, hoping something would stick.
I’ve changed my approach. Now, when they ask for something, I stop and assess whether I need to take action. If I can’t do it right away, I write it down—or they do. The result? Fewer random requests, clearer communication, and a stronger sense of trust.
Final Thoughts
I wish my manager had been a mentor. I wish we could have worked together to create a high-performing team. But that’s not the reality.
What I can do is take this frustrating experience and use it to become better—at work, in life, and as a parent. Because the truth is, I’ll never change her. But I can change how I respond.
What about you? Have you ever turned a difficult workplace experience into a personal learning moment? Drop a comment below—I’d love to hear your story.
Ready to take control of your life? I’d love to help. I offer a FREE 30-minute strategy call where we’ll chat about where you are, where you want to go, and how I can support you on your journey.
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