“Come in here, Ann-Marie! You will love this. The clothes are nice, simple staple pieces at great prices, and you wouldn’t even guess they were from this store,” my mother said as she walked me into Suzanne Grae when I was 20.
I looked around and instantly felt a disconnect. This wasn’t where I wanted to shop. I was young, loved fashion, and had my own sense of style. This store felt like it catered to an older generation—my mother, who was 19 years my senior, shopped here. And honestly, I questioned whether even she should be shopping here. But instead of voicing my thoughts, I went in without saying a word.
As we browsed the sale racks, my mum excitedly grabbed pieces, urging me to do the same. Reluctantly, I picked out a few items and tried them on. They fit well enough, they looked fine—but deep inside, I knew these weren’t the clothes I truly wanted. Still, I bought them. My inner voice was screaming, No! This isn’t your style! You’d rather invest in one quality piece from the store you actually love than buy five items here just because they’re on sale.
But I ignored that voice. I wanted my mum’s approval. I wanted to make her happy. I didn’t want to disappoint her or appear ungrateful. Deep down, I feared she would judge me for spending more money on fewer, higher-quality pieces. I felt guilty for wanting something different, for preferring designer items that aligned with my personal style.
The truth? There was nothing inherently wrong with the clothes—they fit fine, and no one could tell where they were from. But I could tell. And every time I wore them, I didn’t feel like myself. Instead of confidence, I felt a pang of regret. I avoided wearing them, and eventually, I donated them—wishing I had never bought them in the first place.
Have You Ever Settled for Less?
Have you ever made a decision to please someone else, even though it went against what you truly wanted? Have you ever felt guilty investing in yourself—whether it was spending money on something you valued, pursuing a passion, or setting boundaries?
I wish I could say this was the only time I let people-pleasing dictate my decisions, but it wasn’t. I have countless stories where I ignored my own desires out of guilt or fear of judgment. But through these experiences, I’ve learned some invaluable lessons.
#1 Their Reaction Is Their Problem
One thing I admire about my daughter is how clearly she knows what she wants. If she needs new runners, they knows the specific pair she wants. If she wants Nike Pro sets, nothing else will do. And she’s not afraid to tell me exactly that.
At times, I find myself frustrated—why spend more when there’s a similar, more affordable option? But then I see her wearing her choice with confidence and joy, and my frustration fades. She finds more value in owning one high-quality piece she truly loves and wears repeatedly, rather than having multiple cheaper alternatives. In those moments, I realise she was right to stand her ground—she gets true value from her choices because she wears them all the time.
This taught me a crucial lesson: My frustration over her choices is my problem, not hers. She knows what she wants, and she stands by it. If someone is upset with your decisions, that’s their issue to work through—not yours. At the end of the day, you are the one who has to live with your choices. When I bought those clothes, I was the one who felt out of alignment with myself, carrying the regret of not speaking up. Meanwhile, my mother would have forgotten about it in a few weeks.
#2 Speaking Up Is Like Building a Muscle
Standing up for what you want is like strength training. You don’t build muscle with just one workout; it takes consistent effort. The first few times at the gym are tough—you feel sore, exhausted, and question why you’re even doing it. But over time, as you build strength, you become more confident and proud of your progress.
The same goes for speaking up. At first, it feels uncomfortable, even painful, especially if you have people-pleasing tendencies. But with time and practice, it gets easier. Like lifting heavier weights, it requires repetition and persistence. And just like with training, the results—your confidence and self-assurance—are worth it.
#3 Staying Quiet Builds Resentment
Every time you ignore your own desires to accommodate someone else’s, you chip away at your own happiness. Over time, this leads to frustration, resentment, and a sense of disconnection from yourself.
I know this firsthand. I resented my mother—not just for that shopping trip, but for many similar moments. I felt unseen, unheard, and misunderstood. It took me years to realise that the real issue wasn’t her—it was me. I was the one not speaking up.
When I finally started asserting myself, it was hard. People reacted exactly as I had feared. They were upset, they made comments, and I felt guilty. But something interesting happened—I started feeling better.
When I announced I was moving to Adelaide, my mother reacted emotionally, thinking about how it affected her rather than what was best for me. But I stood firm. Over time, she saw how happy I was and came to accept it.
Had I backed down, I would have carried regret and resentment. Instead, I chose my own happiness.
Choose You
If there’s one takeaway from my story, it’s this: You deserve to honour your own wants and needs.
If someone doesn’t like your decision, that’s their issue to work through. If you struggle to speak up, remember that it’s a skill you can build over time. And if you keep quiet, know that resentment will eventually surface—either in your relationships or in your own self-worth.
So, the next time you find yourself at a crossroads, ask yourself: What is it that I really want? And then, have the courage to choose it.
What About You?
Have you ever made a decision to please someone else rather than staying true to yourself? How did it make you feel?
Drop a comment below—I’d love to hear your experiences!
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