Valentine’s Day has been a sore point in our relationship for years. Our first Valentine’s Day together, 17 years ago, was memorable—but not in the way I had dreamed.
I love the idea of Valentine’s Day: a chance to celebrate love and do something special with the person who means the world to you. I’ve always been traditional—believing it’s a perfect time for a man to go the extra mile to make his partner feel special and cherished.
As a young woman, I listened to my friends’ stories—romantic dates, flowers, and thoughtful surprises. I was genuinely happy for them, and I couldn’t wait to experience my own moment when I finally had someone to share it with.
At 23, I was in my first relationship, and I was excited to see what my first Valentine’s Day with my boyfriend would bring. But as the day approached, he said nothing. I held onto hope that he was planning a surprise. But when the day came, there was nothing. No text. No call. No flowers. No surprise delivery. And then—nothing for five more days.
I remember lying in bed that night and nights after, my heart aching, tears streaming down my face, hoping my phone would light up with a simple “Happy Valentine’s Day” message.
Fast forward 17 years, and yes, things have improved. There were better Valentine’s Days, like when he showed up at my work with a rose and a teddy bear. But the truth is, Valentine’s Day has remained inconsistent—and often, it still stings.
But here’s what I’ve learned: I was making some mistakes that kept me feeling unfulfilled—and they had nothing to do with him.
Why Valentine’s Day Matters to Me
- It’s a good way to bring back tradition—to court a woman and make her feel wanted, appreciated, and special.
- It’s also an excuse to have a nice and fancy night out—something different and special that we don’t normally do. It’s a chance to dress up, escape the daily routine, and share a memorable experience together, making it feel like a celebration of us.
- It’s less about the day itself and more about the effort. Could he pick another day to celebrate? Sure. But experience tells me he won’t—which is why this annual reminder is important.
My Top 3 Mistakes That Made Me Feel ‘Not Enough’ on Valentine’s Day:
#1 Sending Mixed Messages to the Universe
I used to downplay Valentine’s Day, pretending it wasn’t important. I’d say things like, “It’s just a marketing scheme,” while secretly hoping for a grand gesture. My words didn’t match my heart, and the universe answered my mixed signals with disappointment.
The truth is: I did want to feel special, desired, and celebrated. But I wasn’t being honest—with him, or with myself.
#2 Believing I Wasn’t Worthy
I told myself that wanting a Valentine’s Day surprise was silly. That a simple text should be enough. But deep down, I felt unworthy of effort or extravagance.
I carried guilt for wanting something meaningful and told myself I wasn’t worth the time or expense. This belief didn’t just hurt me; it taught him to aim lower because I wasn’t standing in my worth.
I’m working through this. Books like Worthy by Jamie Kern Lima have been helping me rewrite that story. I’m learning that if I don’t believe I’m worth it, how can anyone else?
#3 Expecting Him to ‘Just Know’
This one stings the most. Over the years, I’ve cried, we’ve argued, and I’ve thought, “Surely, by now, he knows what I want.” But he’s not a mind reader. And I expected him to figure out what made me feel loved without ever truly explaining it.
I’ve realised that surprises don’t have to be a mystery. I don’t need to drop hints and hope he gets it. I need to communicate clearly. For example, I’ve learned to say: “Surprise me with what we do, but let me know that something is planned ahead of time.” I also need to make it clear that he needs to do something—and that it should be something nice, something that feels special and thoughtful.
Facing the Hard Truths
These three mistakes have cost me hours of tears, arguments, and heartache. But the hardest part was accepting that I had the power to change it—not by forcing him to be different, but by becoming clearer, braver, and more self-loving.
I share this not from a place of self-pity but from self-growth. Because I’ve realised something freeing:
For things to change, I need to change. For things to improve, I need to improve.
So, if you’ve ever felt unseen or unheard on Valentine’s Day, you’re not alone. But here’s the hope: It starts with us.
Share Your Story:
Have you struggled with this too? Share this with your partner—or a friend who needs to hear it. Let’s start conversations that create clarity, not confusion. Because when we own our desires, we invite others to show up for us more fully.
And if you’re reading this with a lump in your throat, know this: You are worthy of love, effort, and joy. And it starts with how you love and believe in yourself.
Have you experienced something similar? Share your commitment in the comments: What will you do to make yourself feel worthy—today, and every day? Let’s support and inspire each other to create the love we deserve.
Ready to take control of your life? I’d love to help. I offer a FREE 30-minute strategy call where we’ll chat about where you are, where you want to go, and how I can support you on your journey.
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