For the last nine months, I’ve felt proud of how I’ve been showing up — as a mother, wife, business owner, coach, and so much more. I have been adding value, improving the lives of others and enjoying the life journey along the way. But the other day, I lost my temper with my son. Embarrassingly, I found myself acting in ways that mirrored how my own parents used to react — emotional and full of anger.
Afterwards, regret consumed me. It triggered a downward spiral of doubt and self-questioning: Am I truly capable of helping others build their empires and dominate their lives? Am I a fake? Imposter syndrome kicked in hard. All the good I’ve done over the years suddenly felt like it didn’t matter. Worse yet, I reached for an old vice — sugar — to numb the discomfort, sinking even deeper into that spiral.
The most frustrating part? I knew better. I’ve worked for years to build the mental tools to change my state, and yet, I sat there, frozen in self-pity. My internal dialogue was toxic. I told myself what I needed to do — journal, meditate, go for a walk — but instead, I chose a Kit Kat Chunky and indulged in my own drama.
It was my perfectionist tendencies taking over. I’ve always believed that to help others, I needed to be perfect every second of my life. But the truth is, it’s because of my mistakes and the lessons I’ve learned that I am able to help hundreds and thousands, of people.
So, I made a decision. I grabbed that Kit Kat Chunky (one step at a time) and went for a walk. When I got back, I committed to finding a solution to what I was feeling.
I felt anxious — fear was gripping me. Change is scary, even when you know it’s the right thing to do. The familiar, even when it’s harmful, feels safe because we know what to expect. It was easier to feel pity for myself than change.
Here’s what I did next:
- Focused on the good. I listed out all the positive things I had done in recently. It’s so easy to forget them in moments of doubt.
- Avoided venting. I didn’t call anyone to complain or wallow in my problems. I chose to sit with my feelings and work through them.
- Changed my state. Eventually, I took action to shift my mindset. In the past, I might have curled up and shut down and ate 4 Kit Kat Chunky chocolate bars. But this time, I stood up and kept moving forward.
Then I dug deeper to understand the root of my outburst.
I realised it was because I hadn’t been setting boundaries. It’s like when kids keep asking for lollies. You give them one, then two, then three. And by the fourth, you snap, even though you never set a clear limit on how many they can have. I hadn’t set my own boundaries, and it led to frustration and anger.
Here’s how I worked through it to avoid it happening again:
- Booked a session with my coach to address the trigger and clear it for good.
- Had a conversation with my husband during our regular Wednesday night chats about my boundaries (read more about that here).
- Changed my routine and rules to better align with my current needs, taking full responsibility for setting and maintaining my own standards.
To stop myself from feeling doubtful and like a fraud, I asked myself a simple but powerful question: What would I tell my son or daughter if they were in this situation?
Without a doubt, I wouldn’t be as hard on them as I was being on myself. I’d remind them that they’re human, that the past can’t be changed, but they can control what happens next. I’d encourage them to focus on the lessons learned and take steps to move forward with that newfound wisdom.
As Ed Mylett often says: We can help others because of the people we used to be. It’s not about hiding our mistakes or feeling ashamed; it’s about using those experiences to empower others, helping them overcome their challenges and emerge stronger. That’s why I’ve been successful as a coach — because I’ve faced and overcome my own struggles, I know what works, and I can guide others with that hard-earned wisdom.
When you feel ashamed or upset about how you acted, remember that what truly matters isn’t the mistake itself — it’s how you respond afterwards. The lessons you learn and the growth you experience are the real gold. Not only do they help you become a better person, but they also enable you to support and uplift those you love.
If you’re ready to take control of your life and overcome the challenges holding you back, I’d love to help. Book a FREE 30-minute strategy call with me today.
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