Since my previous posts on Special Time
I have been getting lots of questions about Special Time. Here are the most common questions and answers.
What happens if my child cries after the timer beeps at the end of Special Time?
This is a common occurrence, especially the first few times that you do special time with your child.
They are crying because they do not want the time to end as they enjoyed spending the dedicated uninterrupted time with you. Most likely they are not developed enough to tell you that they had such a good time and want it to keep going in a calm and controlled voice.
Re-assure your child that you enjoyed having Special Time with them and that you look forward to doing it again. Let them know when the next time will be, then walk away.
By telling them the next time you will have Special Time, it will help calm them as they know it is coming again. Be sure whatever time you commit with them you follow through as this builds trust with your child.
What do I do if my husband/wife/partner does not want to have special time with the kids?
That is ok, as long as you continue to have Special Time it will still have the same effects. Often when a partner sees the results the other is getting, they jump on board.
I recommend not forcing or arguing over the point as it will only build unnecessary tension in the house. Also, if they feel forced to do it with the kids, the kids can sense this hence the benefits of Special Time may not work.
Can we watch tv, play video games or use technology during Special Time?
For younger kids, I do not recommend technology or TV for Special Time as doing an activity with them such as a puzzle, pretend play and so forth helps build a closer bond and you can chat with them.
For teenagers, technology may be the way to start to help them get used to the Special Time activity. Though I do recommend moving away from this once the routine of Special Time is established.
My kids are teenagers and they are not interested in special time with me, what do I do?
Your teenager is not used to having Special Time with you and may view it as a ploy from you to get something. The key is to find something that your teenager enjoys doing such as video games, watching TV, doing hair/makeup or baking. An idea for a mother/daughter activity is going to the nail salon and getting a manicure or pedicure together.
During special times avoid over-questioning, judging or lecturing them. Listen to what they want, laugh and enjoy the moment.
With consistent special time, they will warm and love having that time with you and you can move away from technology and spend time doing an activity where they chat and open up to you.
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