We were on our way to a 5th birthday party. It was just me and the kids going, even though the whole family had been invited. As we drove, my daughter asked, “Mummy, why isn’t Daddy coming to the party?” I knew this was an important question and how I answered would matter.
I calmly explained, “Daddy is staying home to help people. He has some things he needs to do while we’re at the party. But when we get home, we’ll have family time. What do you want to play with Daddy when we get back?”
Her face lit up, and she started listing all the fun things she wanted to do with her dad. I stayed cheerful and light-hearted.
Once we got to the party, the kids ran off to play with their friends. They were so busy having fun, they didn’t even notice which parents were there. This party wasn’t a special “dad-and-kid” event, so it didn’t matter that Daddy wasn’t there.
Why Your Words Matter
How you talk about your partner to your kids makes a big difference. If I had been annoyed or negative about Daddy not coming, my kids would have felt it. They might have felt sad or thought it was a bad thing that Daddy wasn’t there.
This idea is important for all situations—even when you’re upset or frustrated with your partner. Kids aren’t therapists. They’re not there to carry the weight of your adult problems. If you need to vent, talk to a trusted friend, a therapist, or write it down in a journal.
When parents badmouth each other in front of their kids, it affects them. I know because it happened to me. I grew up hearing my parents complain about each other when they were upset. It made me feel guilty, like I was the reason for their fights. I’d stay quiet and avoid asking for things because I didn’t want to cause an argument. It took me years to understand that their arguments weren’t my fault however looking back no I realised I missed out so much because of this.
One memory still sticks with me—my wedding day. I invited my grandparents, even though my dad wasn’t speaking to them at the time. I had 400 guests, so I figured he could avoid them if he wanted. It was my wedding, and I wanted to share it with people I loved. Surprisingly, after seeing them at the wedding, my dad eventually started talking to them again, and now they have a great relationship.
But the day after my wedding, my dad’s emotions got the best of him. He had too much to drink and took out his frustration on my mum, arguing with her. Later, Mum told me about it, saying it had been hard for her. I didn’t need to know that. Hearing it put a shadow over my wedding day. If she hadn’t told me, I wouldn’t have remembered it that way.
What I Want for My Kids
I want my children to love their dad and see him in the best way possible. No matter how I’m feeling, I remind myself that he’s their dad. I chose him to be their father. My kids deserve to see him in a positive light. Over time, they’ll form their own opinions about him based on what they see and experience.
I knew a mum who went through a rough divorce. Her ex-husband often promised to see the kids but wouldn’t show up. Even when she knew he might not come, she stayed positive. She never spoke badly about him in front of the kids. Over time, the kids realised for themselves that he wasn’t reliable. What they remembered most was that their mum was always there. She never let them down.
Final Thoughts
Children learn from what we do and say. How we talk about their other parent shapes how they see them and, sometimes, how they see themselves. It’s not always easy, but staying calm and positive teaches kids about love, patience, and understanding. Let them see the best in both parents. They’ll figure out the rest on their own.
If you found this story helpful or relatable, share it with a friend or loved one. We can all support each other in raising kind, thoughtful kids. Leave a comment below with your thoughts or share your own experience. Let’s keep the conversation going!
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