What you focus on is what you attract. We tend to naturally gravitate to what is wrong, not the way we like or where someone else needs to improve.
As Tony Robbins says “The trouble is, the human brain isn’t designed to make us happy and fulfilled. It’s designed to make us survive. This two-million-year-old organ is always looking for what’s wrong, for whatever can hurt us, so that we can either fight it or take flight from it.”
Finding what is wrong with someone is always available whether it be the kids making a mess or the husband not taking out the rubbish.
At work where a colleague didn’t do their job and now you have to work late to pick up the slack or in society such as litter on the streets, terrible customer service, petrol prices rising or COVID impacts to name a few examples. You can always find something that is not how you would like it.
Reading John Maxwell’s book The 360-Degree Leader, he wrote about catching people doing something right.
“If you desire to see everyone as a 10 and help them believe in themselves, you need to encourage them by catching them doing something right. And that is really countercultural. We are trained our whole lives to catch people doing something wrong. If our parents and teachers caught us doing something, you can bet it was something wrong. So we tend to think in those same terms.
When you focus on the negative and catch people doing something wrong, it has no real power to make them any better. When we catch people doing something wrong, they become defensive. They make excuses. They evade. On the other hand, if we catch people doing something right, it gives them positive reinforcement. It helps them tap into their potential. It makes them want to do better.
Make it part of your daily agenda to look for things going right. They don’t have to be big things, though of course you want to praise those things as well. It can be almost anything, as long as you are sincere in your praise.” [1]
I loved this and set myself a challenge to focus on catching my kids doing something right.
When my children come home I noticed one child put their shoes away in the shoe cabinet while the other didn’t. I was about to remind my child to put their shoes away then I stopped. Instead, I thanked my child for putting their shoes away. I got the biggest smile as they said you’re welcome. What surprised me was my other child went and put their shoes away without me saying a word. I thanked them also and got a lovely smile back.
I did this for a whole day and noticed the kids were in a happier mood and more corporative.
Also, I felt great and was proud of myself as a mum as I was more encouraging and positive towards the kids.
I then took this further and set myself a 1-week challenge where I consciously focused on catching people doing things right and calling it out. This included my husband, kids, team, colleagues, cleaner, employees or random people I come across. When I noticed them doing something right I thanked or acknowledged them with sincerity.
It was amazing seeing the smiles on their faces, the joy in their eyes and knowing I brighten up their day. I also believe by spreading good there is a flow-on effect, they will pass joy and positivity to others.
However, the biggest outcome of the challenge that surprised me most was that at the end of the week as I was journaling a new sense of positivity washed over me. As I was focusing and seeing more good things around me this improved my overall mood and made me happy.
Give it a go, catching someone doing something right and then please leave a comment below about your experience and how you felt.
Frequently Asked Questions
What if I can’t find one thing about a person that they do right?
This is a common question I get asked. Put the intention in your mind that you will find and catch a person doing something right no matter how big or small it is. When your mind is forced to focus on the positive it will find something.
I had a cleaner that I was frustrated with and wanted to replace. Due to my frustration towards her, it was challenging to find things she was doing right. However, I was determined and made myself focus on finding something positive. By choosing this approach I began to notice things I previously didn’t such as she was always on time, had a smile on her face and would wash and wipe my dish after my lunch even though she had already finished cleaning the sink. Ironically her cleaning improved and I was able to train her to the standard I wanted.
How can I call my employees out when all they do is their job?
Even if it is their job calling it out will let them know they are appreciated and valued. It will help instil in them that they are doing the job correctly and that you want that behaviour to continue.
Plus this will help in building rapport and trust for when you do need to offer creative criticism they will be more open and receptive.
[1] John Maxwell The 360 Degree Leader: Developing Your Influence from Anywhere in the Organization
Leave a Reply